It was fun to spend a few weeks enjoying colorfully decorated sugar cookies and other magically calorie-free holiday foods and basking in the scent of fresh cut balsam fir – responsibly grown and harvested, of course – and the glow of Christmas lights while holding the outside world at bay.
Alas, the world eventually showed up.
In this instance, reality nearly intruded when Donald Trump – as he so often does – went for the spotlight by bragging that he’d ordered the killing-by-missile of a top Iranian official, in this case the reprehensible Iranian General Qasem Soleimani, the country’s top military official and a man who relished planning attacks on the country’s enemies, especially Americans.
It was an audacious – many say reckless – act, and we really don’t yet know what the fallout might ultimately be, but it was definitely Trumpian. Our president on nearly a daily basis manages to steal headlines and discombobulate millions, perhaps even a majority, of Americans.
Thus, his gloating immediately prompted a rancorous discussion of whether the assassination of a man who was an official in a country with which we were not at war was, in fact, a violation of U.S. law and the Geneva Conventions.
Whether it was or not, three years have inured me to outrages committed by the man who, sadly, still occupies the White House and who is cheered on by a distressing number of citizens who should know better. I decided to ignore it – and him – in favor of continued holiday tranquility.
Then it was Tom Brady, the man who once unsuccessfully tried to trademark the nickname “Tom Terrific” (which everyone knows belongs to the legendary retired New York Mets pitcher Tom Seaver), who nearly punctured my vacation from reality. Brady, the Patriots’ quarterback, will be without a contract at the end of this season and there are suddenly rumors he could decide to ditch Beantown’s team for big bucks elsewhere.
But Brady is 42 years old, ancient in football time. He has achieved a success that will not be exceeded for years, if ever, and he certainly has by now more money than any sane human could use in several lifetimes. He is married to a supermodel! And he also seems to be – still – astoundingly healthy.
Surely, surely, he would not be vain enough to risk his future health and happiness on an ego trip, would he? Alas, many football writers – people who actually know the Great Man – think he would.
But that wasn’t my problem, at least while the cookies lasted.
Then – just about the time the last Russian tea cake disappeared – the spell was broken, letting the sad news through: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex were breaking up. Not with themselves but with the rest of the British royals.
Harry – that’s Prince Harry to us commoners – and Meghan, his American bride, will take “a step back” from their royal duties and forge a new way of life for themselves and their adorable baby, Archie. One that includes dividing their time between the United Kingdom and North America.
And one that includes striving to become “financially independent” rather than continue as paid public performing personages put up in particularly posh public housing.
Which is a little puzzling, since supposedly Harry inherited many millions from his late mother, Princess Diana, and Meghan herself earned her own millions from her successful career as a television actress. Just how much more can they need to be financially independent?
And, in a pinch, surely Harry’s grandmother, a.k.a. The Queen, whose net worth in 2016 was estimated at $530 million, would loan them a bob or two.
Anyway, this royal contretemps is way more entertaining than either yet another rash stunt or statement by the possibly unhinged man in our White House or the rumored future of an exceedingly rich football player.
From all reports, apparently there are hurt feelings galore in the royal family. The queen herself, a paragon of devotion to duty, is said to be both “deeply disappointed” and “furious.”
Harry’s brother William (a.k.a. Wills) is also said to be “furious,” and his wife, Catherine, (more casually, Kate) “deeply wounded.” Of course, it’s easy for them to take umbrage. Eventually – unless God or Parliament suspends the laws of succession or Prince Charles lives for another century or so – they will become the British king and queen themselves. Not a bad future.
Not surprisingly, our neighbors to the north are all atwitter, betting that “North America” is almost certainly Canada. Meghan – the duchess of Sussex – lived in Toronto, the eminently civilized city where her TV series was filmed. And both the Sussexes are said to be partial to lovely Vancouver Island, where they’ve vacationed and which couldn’t get much further from London.
But Americans can take heart – we still have our own little part of the story. It seems that Fleet Street – which is nearly at DEFCON 1 on this story – has been suggesting that Oprah – yes, our Oprah – has been accused by “sources” of being the first person to talk with Harry and Meghan about “breaking free,” a charge the great lady herself has stoutly denied.
And finally – proof that this story is the Real Thing in the news biz – we learned that London’s Madame Tussauds has removed the wax replicas of Harry and Meghan from what it calls its “Royal Family set.” Surely we couldn’t need more to proclaim that this is, indeed, a story for the ages.
(“Monitor” columnist Katy Burns lives in Bow.)
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January 12, 2020 at 06:50PM
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